Current status: that third friend who walks behind because the sidewalk can only fit two
my parents like to do this thing where they pretend they are the boss of me
I didn’t choose the socially awkward life.
The socially awkward life chose me.
being the adult means killing the spiders
i don’t know if i’m ready for that
so today I was at a friends house and I randomly asked “Are you good at anything?” And she said (to be funny) “the only thing I’m good at is breathing” and her mom turned around and said “you have asthma, idiot”
A while back i was talking to my mom and i asked her the “Would you rather have a finger for a penis or penises for fingers” question and basically her reaction was this:
do u ever like a song so much u just
I like to think I’m a badass but then I remember that I have to ask my mom to kill spiders for me.
I know a lot of the text posts on this site are bullshit but for some reason I’m like 98% more inclined to believe them when they include the phrase “I shit you not.”
|me:||for christmas I want a unicorn|
|santa:||let's be realistic|
|me:||ok I want a boyfriend|
|santa:||what color do you want your unicorn?|
yeah, I run marathons. movie marathons.