Current status: that third friend who walks behind because the sidewalk can only fit two

Me Looking For Jobs:


my parents like to do this thing where they pretend they are the boss of me


I didn’t choose the socially awkward life.
The socially awkward life chose me.


being the adult means killing the spiders

i don’t know if i’m ready for that


so today I was at a friends house and I randomly asked “Are you good at anything?” And she said (to be funny) “the only thing I’m good at is breathing” and her mom turned around and said “you have asthma, idiot”


A while back i was talking to my mom and i asked her the “Would you rather have a finger for a penis or penises for fingers” question and basically her reaction was this: 


do u ever like a song so much u just


I like to think I’m a badass but then I remember that I have to ask my mom to kill spiders for me. 


I know a lot of the text posts on this site are bullshit but for some reason I’m like 98% more inclined to believe them when they include the phrase “I shit you not.”

me: for christmas I want a unicorn
santa: let's be realistic
me: ok I want a boyfriend
santa: what color do you want your unicorn?


yeah, I run marathons. movie marathons. 


Forever my favourite post


Forever my favourite post

(Source: when--you-were-young)

(via xanthium)


nothings worse than passing up an opportunity you know you would’ve enjoyed because of the fear of being judged

(Source: stability, via manda)